A Self-Reflection Post

A Self-Reflection Post

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Two/three years are more than enough to change one’s completely.

Looking back, I realized that I’m not the same person anymore.  I have matured.

Three years ago I cried inside the plane, grieving over the hometown that I have no choice but to left.

I am scared of setting my foot into an unfamiliar place.

I am scared because I was alone.

Now, it’s the opposite.

I have the desire to go to new places.

Being alone doesn’t mean I’m vulnerable; it’s a sign of freedom.

Farewells don’t really hurt me anymore; for I know that I’ll always have a place called home to come back to.

I have changed. I’m glad that the ‘younger-loser-scared’ version of me existed.  I’m glad that she made it through all those hardships of leaving one’s comfort zone.

I realized that I am way more sturdy standing on both my own feet.  The current me will always try the best if fall sick, taking self-medicine or going into the hospital by herself; unlike the freshman me who would cry on the phone and being visited by an over-worried mum the day after.

The current me will sigh and smile at the feeling of being homesick; unlike the former childish-me who would cry all night until both of her eyes become swollen so bad.

The current me will pray through tribulations; unlike the old me who would be temporarily dead, pondering over the meaning of life.

I used to relate so much to these lyrics: if I could fall into the sky/do you think time would pass me by?/’Cause you know I’ll walk a thousand miles/if I can just see you tonight/.

Three years ago, inside the plane that brought me to Bandung, I stared at the beautiful blue sky ant the mesmerizing green scenery of Bandung.  It’s wonderful, but those beauty doesn’t do anything to soothe me from my fears.  If only I can levitate in the sky, travelling around the horizon every day, and losing the sense of time; I believe the moment for me to come home will arrive faster than what I expected.

If someone magically offered me the ability to see my family for a night with the exchange of my physical power, I’ll do anything to have my wish granted, even if it means being super exhausted later on.

I used to have these thoughts… and I’m grateful.

Sidoarjo, March 29^th 2020, 10:38 PM