Happy Birthday, Michael.

Have you ever thought how amazing it is that we can miss the presence of someone who we don't know personally?

Moreover... that person doesn't even know that we existed.  We're probably one of those people in the crowd, a super tiny pixel from a HD picture.  Well, that statement only worked if we actually got to see him for real---which was a mere dream of mine.

Today is August 29th, the birthday of one of my favorite human in the world; Michael Joseph Jackson.

If he were alive, he would have turned 60 this year.

If.

I feel kinda blue yesterday, knowing that it's his birthday.  If only he's alive right now, I would probably send him a birthday wish to all of his online platform and social media; which I knew he won't read because it'll be buried by dozen of messages from all over the world.

But it does feel different to celebrate the birthday of someone who had passed away.

You're happy to celebrate, but at the same time you're grieving.

Michael has always been one of the people I know in life who inspired me to do things.

I am definitely sure that my first conscious moment of knowing Michael wasn't when the news of his death aroused.

It was probably Black or White or Heal the World; Michael's first song I listened to.

My Mom has Michael's Dangerous album at home and she would sometimes play it other with her collection of old singers tapes.

I was a kid back then and I accidentaly ripped the paper cover of this album.  Mom's pretty cool about that, but later on I realized that Dangerous has became my favorite album of him, because I ripped it and I can't read the lyrics while listening to his songs.

It was summer 2009.  I was at my Grandma's house when the news of Michael's death came up.  For approximately one week, all of the news in TV are busy broacasting everything about Michael.  And that's the moment when I got to listen to his songs other than those in the Dangerous album.

At first I got really scared when it comes to the news of Michael Jackson's ghost sighting in his house.  I got really scared until I can't go out at night from my bed to pee.  I am THAT paranoid when it comes to ghost (I used to).

Later on I found out that it's only a shock because I was just a kid back then.  The fear of his ghost eventually faded out until it completely disappeared.

I watched his performances, looking for his other songs, reading his biography.

I don't know the exact moment I can call myself as his fan, but when I watched his performance, I only know this: I am amazed.

I never saw someone shines so brightly on stage.  I never knew a single person could dominate a huge stage all by himself.  I never heard such a relaxed and free-sounded adlibs.  I never felt chills running down my spine when people screamed and fainted by only looking at him; who was just standing still on stage with his shiny gold costume.

And can we talk about his dance moves too?  How he choreographed the dance moves for most of his hit songs?  His fashion sense that became a trend?  His signature moonwalk dance?

Or about how lovely of a person he was?  The theme of his songs that's not all about love but also about humanity, self-love, protest toward the government, the environtmental problems, and society?

There are tons of good deeds and achievements he acquired... and those inspired me.

I realized, the one who actually turned on my desire to dance ain't those Kpop idols, it's Michael.

All that happened in his life inspired me... including the rumors and bad news about him.

My parents taught me not to be obsessed... and to take the only good things.

I don't have any opinion on how his physical appearance changed from time to time.  Whether he planned on changing himself or whether it is truly a disease; whether the plastic surgery was actually necessary for the sake of his health or not.... I'd rather speak nothing about it.  It's all still a mystery, anyway.  And it's his own body, which means he has the freedom to do anything with it.

But I had to admit that my favorite appeareance of Michael is from the Rock With You until the Thriller era.  Rock With You is on top because it's him in his purest form, teenage Michael with his real face.  He haven't done his eyebrow trimming at that time; the trimming was noticeable starting from Thriller.

I know things that he did wrong--he's a human afterall.

His continous action on marrying someone only to get divorced later is not something to imitate.  His reckless action concerning kids is not something to copy.

His bizzare action on weird things like oxygen tube, the bone of the elephant man, and many more?  Whether it's done to gain fame or simply done because of his desire... it's better not to attract attention using incomprehensible stuff.

He is a part of my life, mainly in terms of music and stage act.  And I aspire to be someone as cool as him on stage.

I still cherised those moments when I first watched his DVD titled Moonwalk; or when I first read the printout book of his biography; when I bought a cassete of his hit songs; when  I first watched This Is It; when I first learned how to play the guitar using his songs to practice; and when my sister and I used to copy his Smooth Criminal's dance moves.

Probably that's why I miss him, because although I barely know him when he was alive, his work and creation sat on one of the seat in my life journey.

And if he were still alive today, I'd probably fangirl over him instead of kpop boybands and be patiently waiting for his new releases.

Once again, happy birthday Michael, the King of Pop.  You indeed deserve that title.




Sharing my personal playlist of MJ's songs

What I listen when;

I want to dance: Jam, Remember the Time, You Rock My Life, The Way You Make Me Feel, Smooth Criminal, Beat It, Bad, They Don't Really Care About Us, Thriller, Blame It On The Boogie, ABC, Don't Stop Till You Get Enough, Dangerous, In The Closet, Shake Your Body, Dancing Machine, Invicible, Unbreakable

I'm stressed or angry: Leave Me Alone, Who Is It, Blood On The Dance Floor, Earth Song, Dirty Diana, Speed Demon, Come Together

I want to sing along: Billie Jean, Man In The Mirror, Wanna Be Startin' Something, We Are The World, Rock With You, The Love You Save, Liberian Girl

I'm blue: Heal The World, Ben, You Are Not Alone, Will You Be There, Stranger In Moscow, I'll Be There, One Day In Your Life

I want to chill: This Is It, I Just Can't Stop Loving You, Human Nature, P.Y.T, Love Never Felt So Good, Butterflies, Break of Dawn

these are the songs I can think of right now, there's a lot of his songs in which I don't know the title to... Promise will edit this post again after I came up with enough information.

People ask me how I make music. I tell them just step into it. It's like stepping into a river and joining the flow. Every moment in the river has its song.
-Michael Jackson